


Destined

by glassesgay



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Polyamory, Self Confidence Issues, Soulmates, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22165354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassesgay/pseuds/glassesgay
Summary: Damien never wanted soulmates. When his fifteenth birthday came, he prayed he wouldn't receive a "hint" - a way soulmates are connected to help find each other. And to Damien's horror, the universe gives him multiple soulmates. He's determined to not let them find out about them. He wants to let them live in ignorant bliss and not force them to deal with him. As Damien grows older, he moves away and goes to college - He even manages to find a boyfriend that he chose himself, and Damien tells himself that he's happy. But on Damien's twentieth birthday, the universe gives him and his soulmates another hint - and this one is not one Damien can avoid.(Please read author's notes for trigger warnings)(This work is complete and will be updated everyday until completion)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit Sanders/Original Male Character(s), Logic | Logan Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 125
Kudos: 633





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for coming to check out my fic, but please proceed with caution!  
> Warnings: Abusive romantic relationship (physically, sexually, and verbally), past parental abuse, sex and alcohol mentions, general angst (but happy ending)

Damien woke up and slowly sat up, wincing when he put pressure on his wrist. He looked down and frowned at the dark bruises forming. He looked over at the perpetrator who was lying right next to him.

What was more unsettling than the bruises was the writing underneath them. God, what Damien wouldn't give to be rid of the writing.

Damien smiled at his boyfriend who was sleeping peacefully as Damien brushed a strand of hair from his face. Damien then stretched his arms before standing to show before classes.

The writing was from his soulmates. And no, his boyfriend wasn't one of them. It should have made him feel guilty, dating someone who wasn't his soulmate. But it didn't.

The writing was his first hint to for finding his soulmates. One received their first hint at fifteen, and being able to see what one's soulmate wrote on their skin was the most common hint. It allowed them to communicate with their soulmate, but there were limits. To encourage them meeting more naturally, information like location or full names wouldn't show up for the other person.

As Damien turned on the hot water, he thought back to the night before his fifteenth birthday and how terrified he had been.

He had been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours - trying to fall asleep but sleep refusing to come.

He didn't want a soulmate. He wanted nothing to do with whoever the universe decided to pair him up with. He was fine in his solitude and preferred it stayed that way.

Painfully, time slowly crawled on. Damien eventually admitted he wasn't going to sleep. He glanced at the clock and winced when he read it was two minutes till twelve. So for two agonizing minutes, Damien watched the clock.

The clock struck twelve, and Damien held his breath and waited.

Nothing.

But that didn't help calm Damien's nerves. His soulmate could be asleep. Or maybe he was older than his soulmate and he would have to wait months or _years_ until his soulmate could write back.

He couldn't be certain about his soulmate or lack thereof for a long time.

But with nothing he could do now, exhaustion finally washed over him and he fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning, Damien grimaced as his alarm blared for school. He hit the snooze button and promised himself "only five more minutes" (it was never just five minutes).

But that's when he noticed an unfamiliar tingling sensation on his arm. He held up his right arm and opened his eyes, and he swore his heart stopped.

Damien had been hoping he was part of the small percentage that didn't have a soulmate, but it turns out he was part of the even smaller percentage to have more than one.

He stared in horror as he watched large, bubbly, light blue handwriting converse with a small, precise, navy handwriting on his right arm.

He didn't go to school that day. He faked sick, and the paleness of his face was enough to trick his foster parents into believing him.

As he watched the writing travel farther down his arm, he almost felt that he was intruding. But he couldn't tear his eyes away. The light blue writing, who referred to themself as P, seemed so kind while L, the navy, seemed so grounded and secure.

Damien hated it.

He didn't want this. He didn't want to be forced into a life with these strangers. He didn't want to force anyone else to deal with _him_. But he was scared he didn't have a choice.

The thought made him so upset he barely made it to the bathroom before actually getting sick. After it passed, he sat against the wall for a moment before breaking down in tears.

This was too much. Why would the universe make him endure something so painful?

Then and there was when he Damien decided he would do his best to make sure his soulmates never knew he existed. Let them live in ignorant bliss. They'd be better off without him. And the fact that he had two soulmates made the decision easier. They had each other, so he wouldn't be forcing someone to live without a soulmate. They could live their lives happily together.

Damien was extra careful to never mark on his skin. He even went so far as to no longer put on makeup or nail polish. That part was painful. Makeup was his passion, and he been wanting to go to school to practice it. So he convinced his foster sister to let him practice on her sometimes, though those times were few and far between. But beggers couldn't be choosers.

Damien snapped back into the present by his boyfriend banging on the bathroom door and yelling at him to hurry up. Damien yelled back that he'd be out soon.

Jackson was a first. It was a miracle Jackson even tolerated him.

Jackson had approached Damien in one of their classes, and Damien was immediately smitten. No one had taken interest in _him_ before.

Jackson took Damien out that night and Damien swore there was an instant connection.

Jackson didn't have a soulmate and he had assumed Damien didn't either when he accepted Jackson's invitation to go out. Damien hesitantly told him he did, but he wanted nothing to do with them. Jackson was angry at first, but eventually calmed down.

It was generally frowned upon to date someone else when you had a soulmate, but Damien liked Jackson. He got to _choose_ Jackson.

As Damien continued to get ready for classes, he tried to push the thoughts of his soulmates aside. But with his twentieth birthday tomorrow, he couldn't stop worrying. As time goes on without one meeting their soulmate, they will sometimes receive another hint on one of their birthdays. The amount of hints one gets and the time between receiving them depends on the people and when they are destined to meet. Hints will get more and more drastic as the universe grows more and more desparate for them to meet. Once they meet, however, all but the first hint they received will disappear.

Damien didn't know his soulmate's birthdays, but he wasn't worried about getting a hint on their birthdays. They had actually been communicating with each other, so they probably weren't the unviverse's concern.

He was.

Since Damien refused to even acknowledge his soulmates, he was at high risk for a new hint.

Damien knew this. Jackson knew this. They both ignored it.

Damien kissed Jackson goodbye before leaving for school. They didn't leave too far from campus, so Damien usually didn't bother spending money on bus fare.

Damien felt the familiar tingle on his wrist and he pulled his sleeve further down his arm. He always wore long sleeves and pants, even when the heat was unbearable. He didn't want to look at the writing. He didn't want anyone else to see.

But before he covered his wrist, Damien got a glimpse of red handwriting.

Around seven months after Damien's fifteenth birthday, he woke up to the familiar tingling on his arm. P had found out when L woke up and was adamant to wake up before them to write a good morning message everyday. Damien rarely ever read what L and P said to each other, but that morning something caught his eye.

There on his wrist was _'Hello! Am I lucky enough to be able to talk to my soulmate?'_ in large, messy, red cursive.

" _No,_ " Damien had thought. " _This can't be happening_."

He had _three_???

' _Hello!'_ P wrote back.

' _It's so wonderful to finally be able to talk to you.'_ the red ink wrote. ' _I've been waiting for this for so long.'_

_'Oh my gosh this is incredible!! L, we have another soulmate!!!'_

_'I see that.'_ L wrote. ' _This is most unexpected.'_

_'Am I really so lucky to have two soulmates?'_ the red ink wrote.

‘ _I_ _t seems so.’_ L replied.

' _Since we can't say our names, we refer to each other by the first letter. I'm P and the other is L!'_

_'I'm R, then. I can't express how ecstatic I am to meet you both.'_

Damien yanked his pajama sleeve back down. WHile he could still feel the tingling go further down his arm, it was easier to ignore when he couldn't see it.

He fell back onto his bed, stared at the ceiling, pushed his pillow into his face, and screamed.

Since then it had been even harder tohide the markings on his body. P would doodle on the palms of their hand and R would write out long monologues on one arm while L solved math problems on the other.

The worst was when R and L would start debating and writing would cover every inch of skin they could find until P made them find a middle ground.

Damien snapped himself back to the present as he walked into his biology class. He already hated bio, so no need to make it worse by sulking over his soulmates.

The morning went by slowly and regularly. Afternoon came and Damien texted Jackson to see if he wanted to meet for lunch. Jackson texted back saying he was out with friends but he'd see him tonight.

That was fine. Damien was glad Jackson had such good friends. He just wished this didn't happen so often.

As Damien ate his lunch he noticed that P and the purple writing were drawing on their hands again. Damien rolled his eyes and quickly finished eating before fishing his gloves out of his backpack.

Damien had to buy gloves after the purple handwriting showed up as they loved to doodle on their hands, and P would often join in and make Damien's hands a mess of purple and light blue.

A little more than four months after R made their first appearance, Damien was awake taking off layers and layers of makeup. He had stayed up late (again) to practice.

A couple of weeks ago R said they had to put on a lot of theatrical makeup for a play, and was wondering if it showed up on the others. When L and P confirmed that none did, Damien was ecstatic. He immediately pushed himself away from the dinner table and went up to his bedroom (he was lucky this foster family didn't make him share a room with his foster siblings) to experiment with his makeup again.

Damien glanced at the clock and saw it was almost one in the morning. He wasn't too concerned, though, since it was summer and he could sleep in as long as he wanted.

Once the clock hit one he felt tingling on his arm again. The others were rarely awake this late, so curiousity got the better of him and he glanced down to see what on earth they had to say.

' _Hello?'_

Damien stopped breathing. That wasn't P. Or L. Or R. This was new handwriting. Tiny but tall letters in purple ink.

Two soulmates was a rarity. Three was unheard of. So what the _fuck_ was he doing with _four???_

Damien's eyes bored into the mirror as he removed the remaining makeup off his face. He quickly brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas before falling into a dreamless sleep.

Damien woke up late the next morning, but he still felt exhausted. He glanced down at his arms and found them both covered in writing. Damien just knew the rest of his body was covered, and to confirm it felt tingling on his left shin.

He showed with his eyes closed, desperate to avoid looking anymore at the cacophony of foreign handwriting on his skin. But when he opened his eyes to get out, he couldn't ignore the text just _covering_ his body. Smothering him. Yelling at him.

Damien ran into the bedroom and threw clothes on while still soaking wet.

He didn't want to see anything from the purple handwriting. He knew too much about the other strangers already. He didn't want to know anything about this new person. He didn't even want a letter to refer to them by.

Though ignoring the text got harder with four people writing, Damien got good at it, just as the others had gotten good at fitting blocks of text together like tetris pieces.

Back in the present, Damien was getting sick of flashbacks.

When Damien's school day had ended and he was back at the apartment, he sent Jackson a selfie to let him know he was home. Jackson was so protective, he didn't like Damien going anywhere without his permission. One of the ways Jackson proved he loved him.

Not that Damien had any real reference, though.

His mother was abusive and neglectful and his father was never around. He was barraged everyday by words telling him how much of a burden he was. How everything would be easier if he wasn't around. After his mother beat him she'd scream how weak and worthless he was.

School was never any better. He was immediately an outcast. Having very visible vitiligo on his face weirded out the younger kids who didn't know better.

As they got older and his classmates understood what vitiligo was, the damage had already been done. Any second changes his classmates would give him quickly disappeared. He was too mean, too vicious. He was quick to start fights and slow to forgive.

Attempts were made to counsel him and try to find the root of his behavioral problems, but his mother promised him that if he dared snitch about his homelife, he wouldn't see tomorrow.

So counseling attempts were made in vain. He was labelled a problem child and that day forward his teachers were given warnings whenever they were stuck with him in their class.

Child protective services finally took him away in middle school when Damien went to school with bruises around his neck after his mom tried to strangle him in a drunken rage. He was passed from foster family to foster family, never lasting long in one house. He wouldn't get along with his foster siblings. He disobeyed his caretakers. His foster parents didn't knw what to do when he'd wake up screaming, begging for his mom to let go of him. He was too mean. Too troubled. Too distrusting.

By high school he had finally mellowed out, but the damage was irreversible. He understood that he was on his own and it was detrimental to trust anyone too easily. But since he calmed down, he was finally left alone from counselors and teachers. And to everyone's surprise, he managed to excel in his classes, even managing to get a scholarship to a school that let him study theatrical makeup. Even better was that it was out of state, meaning he would never have to see any of the people he grew up with again.

Damien hadn't expected to fall in love, but then he met Jackson. Jackson was the first person to love him. And with him, Damien thought he couldn't be happier.

Damien started to feel a bit anxious as he waited for Jackson to get home. He wanted to ask about his birthday, and either Jackson would agree to spend the weekend with him, or he'd go and get boozed up with friends, leaving Damien to deal with the fallout.

But it was his _birthday_. Surely Jackson wouldn't leave him alone.

Jackson came home later than expected. He was doing that a lot these days.

"Hi, babe," Damien said as he greeted him at the door. He smiled as Jackson pulled him into a kiss.

"Hey yourself," Jackson muttered against Damien's lips.

They separated for a moment but Jackson pulled Damien right back. Damien's mouth twitched in a small smile.

"Do you have plans this weekend?" Damien asked as Jackson led him back to their shared bedroom.

"Yeah," Jackson replied. "Me and a couple guys are going out of town."

Damien's heart cracked in his chest as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Well, my birthday is this Sunday," Damien said slowly. "I was hoping we could spend it together."

Damien knew that Jackson would usually get angry when he tried to contradict his plans, but he took this chance since there was no way Jackson could get angry about Damien's birthday without coming off as a huge jerk.

"Shit, Damien," Jackson sighed. "I completely forgot."

That didn't bother Damien. Not at all.

"I can't cancel on the guys, but I promise I'll make it up to you," Jackson said as he pulled Damien in for a kiss. "I'll make it up to you _every night,_ " he muttered as he moved his lips to Damien's neck.

Damien shuttered. Sex with Damien was rough. Jackson took what he wanted without making sure Damien was okay and that he wanted it as well. He focused on pleasuring only himself, sometimes leaving Damien to finish himself off.

While Damien had a slight sense that this wasn't okay, he ignored it. What did he know? He didn't have experience with this. And he liked feeling needed. He liked feeling wanted.

He ignored the small voice that told him he was just being used.

"Okay," Damien said as Jackson let go of him.

When Damien woke up the next morning, Jackson was gone. He briefly entertained the idea of going out himself, but he knew that Jackson would want regular upates from him along with photos of him by the clock.

So Damien tried to have a lazy day. He made breakfast then watched beauty guru drama on YouTube. He ordered takeout for lunch and ordered extra so he wouldn't have to cook dinner. He practiced makeup again and gave himself a manicure. He went through these tasks trying to act like everything was fine, but inside he was panicking. His panic only grew throughout the day as the hours crawled closer to midnight.

Come eleven that night, Damien was a mess. He paced around his bedroom, trying not to pick at his newly manicured nails. He wanted to call Jackson but knew he would just be mad if he interrupted his night out.

His mind raced about what hints he could get. Ideally he wouldn't get one, but the chances of him not getting hints grew smaller as the years went on. If he had to get one, he hoped it was something similar to the one he had now. One that would be easy to avoid, though he doubed the universe would be so merciful.

Over the last five years, Damien had read up on as many hints as he could find. Feeling each other’s pain would be hard, but not completely undoable. Occasionally feeling each other’s emotions is one he couldn’t avoid. Initials on your wrist, or any tattoo hint, would be dead giveaways. Being able to see and talk to each other in dreams would be the worst, but that’s a last resort one. Surely that wouldn’t happen to him (yet).

The hour before midnight went by too slowly and too quickly at the same time. When midnight finally came he froze and waited. He waited until it was ten past twelve. While there was nothing immediate, that didn’t mean he was off the hook. The hint could still be there, they just hadn’t triggered it yet.

Damien sighed as he turned onto his stomach. He was about to go to sleep when suddenly he knew what his new hint was.

Oh, _god_ , no! He shouldn't be getting this drastic of a hint so soon!

Damien had read about this hint, but it was so rare he didn't even consider it a possibility. This hint allows one to see through their soulmate's eyes for a few moments up to a few minutes. But the universe was always careful, only letting people see moments it thought they _needed_ to see, so they didn't have to worry about their soulmate seeing something embarrassing or pointless.

One was always alerted before the hint was triggered, allowing them to sit down and prepare themself. But it also alerted the person they would be observing, meaning whoever Damien was about to see through was going to know they had another soulmate.

Damien grit his teeth as the world went white. Suddenly he wasn't in his room anymore. He was lying in a bed that wasn't his bed. It was dark, and whoever he was looking through had someone asleep on their right with an arm wrapped around their waist.

The person took a shaky breath.

"Hello," the stranger whispered. There was a moment of silence as someone next to them shifted. They looked over and Damien could see that there was not just on person in bed with them, but three.

The stranger made sure the others were still asleep before carefully getting out of bed. They made their way out the door and quietly shut it behind them. They stumbled in the dark towards the living rom and sat down on the end of the couch, flipping on the table lamp to bask the room in a faint yellow glow.

"My name is Patton," the person whispered as they pulled their legs up onto the couch. "I'm one of your soulmates. It must be your birthday. Happy birthday."

Patton looked down at his lap and started tracing the pattern on his pajama pants.

"I never would have thought I'd have a fourth soulmate," Patton whispered. "But I'm happy."

"You've never written to us. We had no idea you existed."

" _That was the point,_ " Damien thought.

"But that's okay. I know about you now."

Damien grit his teeth. Patton shouldn't be so _nice_ about this. Patton needed to be angry! Patton needed to hate him! It would make this whole thing easier if he did.

"I don't understand why you've never written back," Patton whispered as his finger moved down his pants leg. "But I want you to know I'm not angry. I'm confused, and admittedly a bit overwhelmed, but I'm not angry. I want you to know you're safe with us. I don't know what situation you're in, or what you're thinking right now, but you're safe here."

Damien gripped the sheets as he tried to fight back the tears welling in his eyes.

"I wish I knew your name. Do you think after this you could try to write it to me? Maybe since we have a second hint it will let me see your name. You don't have to, but it'd be nice."

Damien knew he woudn't.

"I hope you're not in trouble," Patton sniffled. That's when tears fell and Patton went to wipe his eyes. "I wish I knew how to help you."

Patton took another shaky breath before continuing. "This might sound crazy to you, but I already really care about you. I cared about the others as soon as they first wrote to me. And now I care about you, too."

They both were alerted in their minds that their time "together" would soon be over. Patton sighed.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm going to tell them. I think it's important they know. But don't worry. I'm sure they'll be as excited as I am. I hope you decide to write to us soon, and I'm looking forward to the next time we get to talk."

Then Damien was back in his bedroom.

He immediately started crying. He grabbed Jackson's pillow and pulled it to his face as his crying turned into messy sobs.

They _know_. After years of carefully making sure they didn't know about him, he was outed not even by his own choice.

He couldn't breath. He pushed Jackson's pillow away from him and forced himself to sit up. He knew he was having a panic attack. He'd had them before. He just didn't know how to stop it.

He gripped the sheets and tried to force himself to breathe normally, but between the tears still falling down his face and his rapid heartbeat he couldn't get himself to do so.

After a few agonizing minutes, he was finally able to take in a fairly deep breath. After that, breathing just got easier and easier. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears fall freely as he got his breathing back to normal.

Once his crying devolved into silent tears, Damien laid back down. Exhaustion hit him as he settled under the blankets, desperate for sleep.

He felt tingling on the back of his hand and looked to see that Patton had drawn a heart in his familiar light blue ink.

Damien didn't take his eyes off it until he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reception for this has been far better than I could have anticipated. Thank you so much for your kind words here and on tumblr <3  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Damien woke up alone again, but that was expected. Jackson wasn't coming back until late that night. He groaned as he pushed himself up. He didn't want to think about how Jackson would react to his new hint.

He glanced down at his wrist to see writing, and he quickly looked back up - not quite ready to deal with all that.

He went to take a shower to clear his head, and turned the water to almost as hot as it would go before sitting on the small shower floor to let the hot water wash over him. Taking a deep breath, he decided to finally check the writing on his arm.

' _Hello dear. I know we have yet to meet, but I already absolutely adore you. I was overjoyed to hear that I have a fourth love to pamper and dote on. I don't know what you're going through, but I know I want to help in whatever way you need me. I'm here for you <3_' R wrote in their familiar messy cursive.

' _I'm afraid I don't quite excelt in emotions, but do know that I hope you're alright and I look forward to the day we finally make acquiantance._ ' from L.

' _Talk to us soon, please. We want to know you're safe_.' from the purple writing.

' _I told you they'd be excited <3_' from Patton.

Damien wiped the tears from his eyes. They should be furious with him! They should want nothing to do with him! But instead they say they _care_ about him - that they want him to be okay.

But he _is_ okay. And how can they really care about him? They know _nothing_ about him.

"So they _can't_ really care," Damien muttered to himself as he stood up. He showered and dried off quickly so he could hurry and get his clothes back on.

Damien waited nervously for Jackson to come home. While waiting, he tried to figure out how to tell him about the new hint, but couldn't find the right words. When Damien heard the front door unlock, he still had no idea what to say.

"Hey," Damien said. He was immediately pulled into a kiss which caused him to smile and wish he could forget about his soulmates for just a few minutes.

"How're you?" Jackson asked as he slid his hand down Damien's back and squeezed his ass, causing Damien to jump.

Oh yeah. He had forgotten that was on the agenda.

"I actually have something to tell you..." Damien said. Jackson's eyebrows furrowed together.

"What?"

"I got another hint."

Anger flashed over Jackson's eyes, but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared.

"Which one?"

"We can see through each other's eyes. I can't control when it happens," Damien said.

"What happened?" Jackson asked as the grip he had on Damien's arm grew tighter.

"It only happened once. He talked to me, but I didn't do anything back."

Damien yelped as Jackson yanked his arms towards him and pushed his sleeves up to read what they had written.

"Well, I'll just have to remind you who you belong to, huh?"

Jackson looked up at him with dark eyes. Damien shuddered, but he nodded. And before he knew it, he was being picked up and flung onto the bed.

It was two weeks until their new hint was triggered again. Damien was about to fall asleep, Jackson's arm wrapped around his waist, when he was alerted it was going to happen again. He winced as the world went white.

He was in an empty theater. There was a ghostlight on the stage and a single spotlight on him, but everything else was dark. The stranger Damien was looking through had frozen in place.

"Well, hello!" they said after a couple of seconds. "I was wondering when I'd get the chance to talk to you."

They walked downstage and sat down on the edge, looking over the dark house.

"I'm Roman. I'm a bit surprised that the universe decided now was a good time for me to speak to you, but I'm not complaining. I'm here practicing my big monologue for the play coming up," Roman said as he grabbed his water bottle. He took a drink before continuing. "I've been doing theatre since I was a kid. Not to brag, but I'm pretty damn good at it. The professors here love me~"

Damien rolled his eyes.

"They gave me a spare key to the theater for practice. It's so hard during the day when students keep coming in and out of the theater. Do you know how many times I've found some student just sleeping in the house seats? It's ridiculous."

Roman fell onto his back to lay down on the stage.

"...That morning when Patton told us we had another soulmate, I almost didn't believe him," Roman said softly after a moment, raising his hand to the light. "I mean, no offense to you, but years without a fifth person's writing would make you think that. But he told us how he spoke to you. He sounded so serious. And Pat's not one to joke about things like that."

Roman dropped his arm beside him.

"But the more I thought about it, the more it made _sense_. As much as I _adore_ the other three, there has always been this feeling that something was missing. I was never willing to bring it up as to not worry my beloveds, because I didn't want them to think I was unhappy with them. I'm happier than I ever imagined I _could_ be. But it felt like... like when you don't need something for school one day, so you leave it home. But then for the entire day you feel _off_ because that familiar weight isn't in your backpack. That's how it felt, and now I understand why.

Damien's eyebrows furrowed as he adjusted himself further into his pillow.

"I really can't understand why you won't talk to us," Roman said after another moment. "I don't want to offend you or scare you off, but I really _don't_ get it. I spent my entire childhood looking forward to my fifteenth birthday. Then again, I'm told I'm quite the romantic. Perhaps you are not? I don't want my fervor to scare you away. However doting I may be, more than anything I want my soulmates happy. Don't ever think I wouldn't be happy to slow down to whatever pace your comfortable with."

They were alerted that their time together was almost over, and Roman sighed.

"Don't be afraid to talk to us. See you soon, my darling."

And Damien was back in his room.

...My _darling_.

Roman didn't even know him and he had called Damien his _darling_.

He thought back to what Roman said, about going at Damien's own pace, and how Jackson treated him.

Damien then pushed that train of thought aside, adamant to not let these strangers make him think poorly of Jackson. Jackson did everything he did because he _loved_ and _wanted_ him. They _chose_ each other.

He was sure that whatever promises his soulmates made to him would be broken as soon as they met. As soon as he opened his snarky mouth around them, they'd change their minds and leave. Just like everyone else - except Jackson.

In his sleep, Jackson tightened his grip on Damien and snuggled closer. Damien smiled and nestled further into Jackson's chest, ready to finally be able to sleep.

It had been a few months after Damien's night with Roman. It was now the summer leading into his next year of college, and Damien was glad things had gone back to normal. His and Jackson's relationship had fallen back into their regular pattern of date nights and sex, Jackson's jealousy rarely flaring up.

Summer had been quite boring, spending days on end alone in the house whenever Jackson went off with friends. But it did give Damien plenty of time to practice and experiment with makeup. Pretty soon, he felt he was ahead of anyone else in his upcoming makeup classes.

With this newfound confidence and the comfort of his normal routine, he rarely found himself worrying about his new hint.

That is, of course, until it happened again.

Damien sighed as he sat back in his chair in front of the mirror.

" _Let's just get this over with,_ " Damien thought as the world again went white.

He was on a campus. _His_ school campus.

Oh, _no. They went to his school_.

He was walking towards one of the main student parking lots, though it was mostly empty since it was summer. Whoever he was seeing through was holding a phone to their ear.

"I have my phone so I can speak to you without worrying passerby," the stranger said. "It is quite unexpected timing, but that is not to say I am displeased. I am actually very grateful that I have been given this chance to talk to you, especially since it has been so long since any of us have had a... visit from you, I guess would be an appropriate term."

"My name is Logan. I am taking summer classes here. I'm majoring in chemical engineering, but I am also pursuing education to become a teacher or professor if I so choose."

"I call it a backup plan. Roman calls it overkill."

Logan unlocked his car and shoved his phone in his pocket before shutting the door and starting the ignition.

"I have been thinking about what I would say to you when given the chacne, but now that I find myself in this predicament I can not seem to find my words."

Logan paused as he backed his car out of the parking lot.

"Roman and Patton told me what they said. While I entertained the thought of giving an emotional spiel of the same caliber, I am afraid I am just not capable of putting emotions into words. Facts are more my forte - Concrete statements that can not be disputed. So here are the facts: I understand your hesitance of speaking to your soulmates, since it took me weeks after my fifteenth birthday to write to Patton. I do not know you, so I can not claim that I adore or love you, but I genuinely do hope that you are in a safe situation, and I look forward to when we are able to meet."

"There. Maybe when we meet in person I can think of something better to say, but for now I think this will suffice."

Damien sighed in relief. He didn't know if he could handle another emotionally guilting speech.

"We have an apartment not too far from campus. We used to live on the other side of town and the commutes got so annoying."

Damien tensed as he watched Logan turn onto the road by his apartment. Oh, for the love of God, _please_ don't let them live in the same complex.

Damien sighed in relief as Logan drove past.

"It was hard to find a relatively cheap apartment that could fit the four of us - we are incredibly lucky for what we have. We had to buy a larger bed, and we still argue over the one bathroom sometimes, but all in all I say it has been worth it."

As Logan stopped at a red light, the two were alarted that their time together was going to end.

"Well, I hope this was not a miserable experience for you. Frankly, I am still trying to get used to the concept. I hope I get to see you soon, and I wish you the best."

Damien was staring at himself in the mirror. He didn't feel like doing makeup anymore.

While that experience had been easier to stomach than the previous ones, it still wasn't ideal. Damien sighed as he reached for his makeup wipes.

_They went to his school._

How many times had he walked past them? Had they seen each other before? Did they share any classes?

Damien knew he had to me much more cautious this upcoming school year.

A bit more than a month later, Damien was reading over his class schedule again. School was starting soon, and he couldn't stop worrying about meeting his soulmates.

Damien was hesitent to tell Jackson. Jackson would probably set even stricter rules for Damien, or he might even force Damien to stop going to campus altogether.

It was getting late and Damien was again waiting for Jackson to get home. Around in the morning he gave up waiting and went to get ready for bed.

He was brushing his teeth when he waws alerted he was going to see through one of his soulmates again. He groaned as he spit out his toothpaste. He was really tired and he just wanted to get some sleep. He left the bathroom and fell onto his bed, hitting the mattress as soon as the world went white.

It was dark - Damien couldn't tell where his soulmate was. But after a moment he could tell they were staring at their lap.

"Sorry," they suddenly said in a weak voice. "Give me a moment."

They took a shaky breath and wiped tears off their face. That voice wasn't Patton's, or Roman's, or Logan's. This was the purple handwriting.

The stranger looked up and though it was too dark to see much, Damien could tell they were sitting on the roof of a building.

"I just.." the stranger started, but trailed off. They sighed.

"I've been waiting for my turn to talk to you. I've been worrying about what I should say because I didn't want to say anything that might drive you even further away because I'm not great with words and then as more time went on I was worried that the universe decided I _shouldn't_ speak to you because I'd just mess things up and-"

The stranger stopped their rant and took another shaky breath.

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't want to screw this up."

"The others are asleep. They don't know I'm up here. It's a good place to go to just be alone for a while."

"I'm okay, by the way. I'm just worried about the school year. It starts really soon. I'm an art major minoring in creative writing and while I really love it, it sometimes feels like too much to handle. Sometimes I can't help but think about every possible thing that could go wrong."

The stranger paused.

"I know you don't want to talk to us," they said slowly. "But we would like to get to know you. Even if you don't want to meet, if you'd just write us or... or... _something_. It's stressing all of us out. Patton's sad almost all the time. Roman's angry. He tries to act like he's not but he is. Logan and I are trying to be the reasonable ones, but I can tell it's bothering Lo, too and I just... I just... I..."

The stranger trailed off before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

Damien clenched his fists, sharp nails digging into his skin. _He_ wasn't responsible for other people's emotions. He can not be to blame for how they are behaving-

"I'm sorry," the stranger whispered, snapping Damien out of his thoughts. "That was guilting. I don't want you to do anyting you don't want to do. If you really think you'd be happier without us, then okay. We want you to be happy."

Damien unclenched his fists.

"Is it something we said? Are you older than me? Younger? How long have you been reading our conversations without every saying anything?"

"Did Roman scare you off? I know he's obnoxious sometimes but he's a really nice guy and he knows when to tone it down when necessary. Maybe Logan? Look, he's brutally honest and sometimes doesn't know when to keep his opinions to himself, but he's a good dude."

"It couldn't have been Patton, could it? I mean, I guess he can be a bit overbearing, but it's only because he cares so much."

"...I wouldn't be surprised if it was me," Damien's soulmate whispered. "I know I'm snarky somtimes. And rude. And overly sarcastic. And I know my anxiety can be annoying to deal with. But the last thing I'd want is to drive anyone away."

Damien's mind was racing. His heart _hurt_ for this stranger, and he was _angry_ about it. It wasn't his soulmate's fault! This was all on _him!_

"And it isn't as bad as I made it out to be. I tend to exaggerate. We're getting better. It was a huge shock at first, but we're learning to live with it. So don't feel bad about that. Roman isn't really mad at you. He's mad at whatever is keeping you away from us. Sorry again for being so guilting."

His soulmate sat in silence as he stared towards the horizon. Damien wondered when their time together would run out. None of the other encounters had been this long.

"I was so scared on my fifteenth birthday," his soulmate whispered suddenly. "I didn't have a great upbringing. Well, none of us really did, but mine was particularly bad. Years of parental neglect and vicious bullying left me an anxious wreck."

Damien's breath hitched.

"I wanted a soulmate so badly. I wanted that special person that was promised to love me and accept me. So when I wrote 'hello' on my arm at midnight and no one wrote back, I cried for hours. Now I know that my soulmates were just asleep, but my mind didn't let me think rationally. My mind went to the worst possible scenario: I didn't have a soulmate"

"Then I woke up and saw three different sets of handwriting on my arm and I had a panic attack."

"But they were so nice and so excited to see me. I quickly fell for these three strangers, and they were the only people I trusted - even if I hadn't met them. They were there for me for ther est of high school. They helped me. No one had done that before."

"I actually stopped writing to them once I got to college, though. I fell into a really bad mental state. I convinced myself I was going to fail my classes and drop out and never do anything with my life. I thought the others would be better off without a burden like me.

"I couldn't help but read what they wrote, though. They would regularly ask if I was there, if I was okay. But I never answered. They had never even met me, so they'd get over me eventually, right?"

"Then I met Patton. We had an art class togther, though we never talked. I never really talked to anyone. But one day he had doodled all over his hand, so his doodles were on mine, too. He didn't notice at first, but I couldn't stop staring at him. Eventually he noticed, and he smiled at me with that Patton smile that melts any cold bone in you and assures you that everything is going to be okay."

"And you know what I did? I ran out of the room. I ran to my dorm and locked myself in the bathroom. Pathetic, huh?"

Damien could hear the smile in his voice.

"He later wrote to ask which one of us he had seen. I'm certain he knew it was me, though. When Roman and Logan found out they got so excited. They asked if I looked like I was doing okay. Patton said that I looked 'tired and dangerously skinny,' but that was normal for me. They were all so worried about me. That's when I realized it was bad for all of us for me to ignore them."

"The next art class, Pat was standing outside the door waiting for me. He asked if we could talk, and he gave me such a gentle smile I couldn't say no. We talked and talked and cried a bit, but we figured it out. Patton was adamant he get me out of the dorm with my shitty roommate, so we got a little apartment together. Later we ran into Logan and then Roman, and I thought things couldn't get any better."

"Then a couple years later, one morning Patton tells us we have another soulmate. I completely blanked. I remember staring off into the distance as everything around me turned blurry. The others were speaking, but I couldn't tell you what they had said. Logan led me to the couch and snapped me out of my daze. I was confused. And scared. Everything was finally becoming perfect, and now something was disrupting that."

"I was worried for you, but also anxious for myself, as selfish as that sounds. But then I started wondering, what if there was a fifth person with us? What if someone could be with me while the others had calsses? What if there was a fifth person made for us to join in on cuddle sessions and date nights? I realized we were missing a piece of ourselves, and that missing piece was you," his soulmate finished in a soft whisper.

"I'm sorry. I'm talking too much. You're probably getting sick of me."

Surprisingly, Damien found that he wasn't.

They were alerted that their time together was almost over, and his soulmate sighed.

"I should go back to bed. Take care of yourself, okay?"

Damien was back in his room. He took a shaky breath and pulled his blankets up right under his chin. He stared at the wall for at least half an hour before he heard the door open, meaning Jackson was home.

Damien didn't feel like dealing with Jackson, so he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Jackson called out his name, and he heard Jackson huff as he headed towards the bedroom. For a moment, Damien was worried Jackson would want to wake him up, but instead he just laid down next to him, which Damien was thankful for. He just wanted to go to sleep so he didn't have to think about everything he had just heard.

Right before Damien succumbed to sleep, he realized his soulmate forgot to give his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't worry, things will get better ;)
> 
> (Chapter 3 should be posted tomorrow, Jan 9 2020)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra warning for this chapter for referenced homophobia

Damien was sitting in the makeup room of the theatrical arts building when he was startled by a door being flung open and hitting the wall. He huffed in annoyance as he looked at his resulting smudged eyeliner. He glared towards the door to the hallway as he heard the theatre majors walk down the hall, one of them loudly riffing Disney songs.

The acting class must be finished.

Everyday Damien had a block with no classes, so he would go to the makeup room where it was usually empty. Plus he could practice makeup before class if he wanted to.

He went to fix his eyeliner when he heard the door open. He looked over to see a boy he'd never seen before, so it surely wasn't another theatre major.

Damien's first thought was " _Who the fuck is this_?"

His second thought was how pretty he was.

He knew he shouldn't think such things when he was with Jackson. Jackson would probably destroy the apartment again in a tirade if Damien ever said that out loud. But yeah, Damien couldn't deny how gorgeous the man in front of him was.

The stranger was wearing ripped black jeans, a purple t-shirt, and a black purple-patched hoodie. The black converses he was wearing had speckles of paint on them. His hair was dyed purple, though it was starting to fade on the ends. His bang fell over his forehead which drew more attention to his gray eyes that were already accentuated by black eyeshadow. His skin was as smooth as porcelain and just as pale.

"Do you need something? Professor Miller is in her office," Damien said as he turned back towards the mirror.

"Um, no," the boy said in a low voice that sent shivers down Damien's spine. "I have some free time and my boyfriend said I can hang out in the makeup room since it's supposed to be empty."

Damien stared at him, daring him to actually stay. But he didn't leave.

"Sit, then. I'm not stopping you."

The stranger sat on the opposite bench. Damien tried to ignore the stranger the best he could, but Damien could still see his reflection in his peripheral.

Time passed by slowly as the two sat in tense silence. Eventually it made its way to ten minutes before Damien's next class, so in one swift move he swung his legs over the bench and threw his backpack on, and he was out the door.

It was a couple of days until they spoke again. The stranger rushed in and slammed the door behind him. Damien quickly turned and stood in alarm, eyes wide as the stranger pressed himself again the door.

"What's going on?" Damien demanded. He did not want to get wrapped up in whatever drama this stranger was bringing with him.

"Don't worry about it. This door gotta lock?" the stranger panted. Damien stared at him for a moment before pullinga key out of his pocket. The professor gave it to him so he could get in the makeup room whenever he watned.

Once the stranger heard the click he slid down the door and sat on the floor.

"What's going on?" Damien demanded again. The stranger opened his mouth to speak but only managed a few heavy pants. His hands reached for his hair as he pulled his knees to his chest.  


"Tell me or I will have to get Ms. Miller."

"It's nothing," the stranger managed out. "Just some band kids."

Oh.

There was a group of band students who were notorious for harrassing anyone who didn't fit their slim idea of masculinity. Damien himself did everything he could to avoid them. He was pretty sure they've called him every variation of the f-slur possible.

Damien walked back to his backpack. "I'll keep the door locked until I leave then. Here."

He walked back towards the stranger and handed him a water bottle. "I brought it from home. I haven't opened it."

"Thanks," the stranger said. Damien offered a hand and helped the stranger up from his spot on the floor.

"Um... I'm Virgil."

"Damien."

Damien glanced Virgil up and down, _something_ stirring inside his chest, though he couldn't place what. Damien then walked back over the bench and put his earbuds in. He had dealt with enough today.

"Hey," Virgil said when he walked in the next day. Damien waved at him without looking up from his phone.

For the next week, that was all the interaction they had. "Hey." Wave.

Virgil then ran in and asked Damien to lock the door again. Damien didn't have a water bottle to offer the panicking boy this time, so he went to get one from the vending machine.

He didn't know Virgil, but something in his subconscious told him that Virgil was a good enough guy to not deserve this harrassment.

"You didn't have to-"

"But I did," Damien huffed as he shoved the water bottle into Virgil's hands.

After that, for the next week their interactions evolved into Virgil greeting Damien with "Hey, how are you?" which Damien would respond with "Fine."

It was the next week when they finally had a real conversation. Virgil's earbuds disconnected from his phone and Panic! At the Disco played out loud, so the two found themselves discussing music.

"You like Broadway?" Virgil asked. "You and my boyfriend would get along _wonderfully_."

"Your boyfriend must have good taste."

"My boyfriend has _obnoxious_ taste."

Damien flicked a q-tip at him.

"Could you show me how you do eyeshadow? I feel like I'm doing wrong," Virgil said one day as he watched Damien do his makeup.

"You probably are."

Virgil shot Damien a playful glare as Damien motioned for him to sit next to him.

As Damien started talking about makeup, he found that he couldn't stop. He had never had anyone to talk to about his passion, and he discovered just how much he _needed_ to. THough he started rambling about more than just eyeshadow, Virgil never once tried to stop him.

"So how'd you get into makeup?" Virgil asked as they were leaving for classes.

Damien froze. There was no way he could tell this _stranger_ that the reason he started doing makeup was because growing up, everything in his life was uncertain and almost all of his decisions were made for him by someone else, and that his appearance was the only thing he felt he had control over.

"I just liked how it looked," Damien lied after an uncomfortable amount of silence.

Virgil could tell there was more, but he had no right to pry.

Virgil then regularly sat next to Damien instead of on the other side of the room. And over the course of a few more weeks, they both somehow managed to pull each other out of their shells when they found they were both sharp and witty and too smart for their own good. Many of their conversations included quipping back and forth with each other, which they both knew was always all in good fun.

Damien found himself looking forward to that one hour he had in the makeup room. It was a nice change of pace from the usually dull setting Damien was in.

Jackson didn't know, of course. If he knew Damien was alone with another boy for hours every week, he would be furious and make Damien come home during his hour off.

"You look terrible," Damien said one day when Virgil walked in.

"Oh, shut up. You know it's because of midterms. I'm sure you look _so much better_ under all that makeup," Virgil said as he sat down next to Damien.

"Darling, your eyeshadow only brings out your eye circles. Do I need to show you again how to _actually_ do it properly?"

They glared at each other before Virgil broke into a smile. "So how are you?"

Damien excused himself to go to the bathroom. He definitely didn't leave just to compose himself after Virgil's smile made his heart flutter. And Damien also _definitely_ didn't find his thoughts often drifting towards Virgil. Why would that happen when he had Jackson? Besides, Virgil already mentioned a boyfriend.

All these feelings were probably just because Damien was excited to actually make a friend for once. Yes, that was definitely it.

"I like your nails," Virgil said one day. Damien was wearing his favorite, sharp acrylic nails painted yellow.

Damien avoided Virgil's gaze to try and hide how flustered he was. No one had really ever complimented him before...

"I've never been good at painting mine," Virgil continued as he looked at the messy black paint on his nails.

"I could help you. I have black nail polish in my bag," Damien managed to say. His offer made Virgil give him a soft smile, and Damien couldn't ignore how his heart was pounding in his chest. He then spent the next minute hiding his blush by pretending to dig through his bag, even though he already found the nail polish.

Damien squeezed water out of the paper towels before walking back to the makeup room. He unlocked the door and locked it again behind him before getting on his knees.

Virgil was sitting on the floor, knees to chest and head down.

"Virgil, lift your head please.'

Virgil slowly picked his head up, and Damien tried to ignore the pang in his chest as those pleading eyes bore into him. He gently reached over and started to wipe the dried blood off the scrapes on Virgil's face.

Virgil opened his mouth to speak, but he just broke out in sobs again as he buried his head back in his arms.

"You don't have to tell me what happened," Damien said softly as he gently guided Virgil's head back up so he could continue cleaning the scrapes. "But I'm here whenever you need me."

Virgil stared at him for a moment.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Wait, your _boyfriend_ did this to you??" Virgil asked as he stared the bruises on the side of Damien's face, which Damien was currently working on covering it back up after the makeup he applied that morning wore off a bit.

Damien regretted letting that fact slip.

"He was drunk, okay? He would never hurt me sober."

"He shouldn't hurt you at _all_ -"

"Well, he's all I got," Damien snapped a he pushed Virgil away. Virgil caught himself on the counter before falling backwards off the bench. He stared at Damien as he fixed his position.

"You have me, right?" Virgil asked softly. Damien said nothing.

"Just... Promise me that if you ever need help, you'll call me."

"...Fine."

"VIrgil, my love~" the two heard as the makeup room door opened. They turned and saw a man in a prince costume for the school's upcoming musical. "I got finished early. I thought I'd tell you before I change so you could get ready to go out."

"Oh, uh..." Virgil glanced at Damien who just waved him off. "Sure."

"Is this the Damien you're always talking about?" the man teased.

Damien raised an amused eyebrow as he looked at Virgil, whose face was turning red.

"Oh, go get changed, Princey," Virgil grumbled. The man flashed him a cocky smile.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, dear~"

"Fuck off."

"Princey" laughed as he shut the door.

"Sorry for leaving early-"

"Virgil, why on earth would you be sorry?" Damien sighed. "Go out with your boyfriend. You aren't hurting my feelings."

Virgil smiled at him.

When Princey came back, Damien hoped his foundation was able to cover the small blush growing on his cheeks. His hair was no longer gelled back, but fell in perfect waves that framed his face just right. Than skin and freckles were no longer dulled by thick stage makeup. He was in a red bomber jacket and a form fitting t-shirt and skinny jeans that all hugged his body _beautifully_.

Damien quickly pushed those thoughts aside, angry that he even had them.

Virgil and Princey started bickering again, and Damien just rolled his eyes as he put in his earbuds.

Had his music not been so loud, Damien would have heard Princey try to introduce himself as Roman.

Damien lay in bed crying, holding Jackson's pillow to him as he tried to calm down. Jackson had hit him. Again. It was growing more and more frequent, leaving Damien to wonder what he was doing wrong.

Jackson had left to go God knows where, leaving Damien all alone.

Damien buried his head further into the pillow, when his mind told him he was going to see through a soulmate again. He groaned. It was such shitty timing.

The world went white, and he was in a nice restaurant, two others sitting with him at a round table. They were dressed in suits, one in plain black and the other in a gray one with a red vest. Damien's body tensed as he realized _Virgil's boyfriend_ was the one in gray.

"They're here!" Patton said happily.

"Hello, my darling~"

"Salutations."

"No, Damien whispered.

"I'm glad you got to see us today! Today is the anniversary of when the four of us all finally met!" Patton said, smile evident in his voice. "And when we get to meet you, well, that day will be our anniversay!"

Damien felt his breathing grow shallow.

"We're missing one, but good ol' panic at the everywhere stepped away for a moment," Roman said. "He'll be back soon."

Please, _no!_

"It is a nice surpise to be able to talk to you tonight," Logan said. "We had not had an encounter with you in a while. We were starting to worry."

"Well, worry more than we already were," Roman muttered.

"Virgil!" Patton exclaimed as someone sat down next to Logan.

_No!_

"Our other soulmate is here!" Patton said as he pointed towards his eyes. Virgil smiled. And had Damien not been so distraught, he would have been flustered over how gorgeous that smile looked with that suit.

"Hey," he said. "Good to see you're still alive."

"Virgil! Of course they are!" Patton scowled.

Damien couldn't breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and _God_ , he wished that would block his view. But it didn't. He could still see Virgil's smiling face.

He screamed into Jackson's pillow, hoping to block out their voices speaking to him while also trying not to concern the neighbors. He screamed and screamed but his screams soon broke down into sobs. He took gasping, painful breaths as the sobs racked his body. He barely noticed when his time with them was almost over. He barely comprehended their goodbyes before he was back in his room.

Damien shot up in bed, grabbing his hair as he cried out in pain.

He was suddenly hot. Much too hot. He untangled himself out of the blankets and ripped his clothes off, tripping over his pants' leg. Then he saw the purple writing on his body and he screamed in pure agony. In his hysteria he raced towards the shower, wanting, hoping, _praying_ that he could get it off.

The burning water left his skin red, but he didn't care. He tried to scrub the writing away but it _wouldn't. come. off._ He started sobbing again, but eventually forced himself out as the burning water became unbearable.

All the energy escaped him and he collapsed to the bathroom floor, unable to do anything but sob.

He eventually calmed down some, sobs turning into silent tears. He started shaking from the cold air and tile floor against his wet body and he forced himself to sit up.

He had to leave the one good thing he had. He couldn't make Virgil deal with him any longer. He couldn't risk spending more time with him.

Virgil didn't deserve that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Since this whole thing is already written, I post the chapter I had already written on google docs into the ao3 page and revise it before posting. But I had a moment of panic when I accidentally hit the back arrow and thought I had lost all my revisions and would have to start over but it's okay! It was all there! It just gave me a mini heart attack.
> 
> (Chapter 4 is scheduled to be posted tomorrow, Jan 10 2020)


	4. Chapter 4

Damien skipped all classes the next day. Virgil texted asking if he was okay. Damien tried to bring himself to block Virgil's number, but he couldn't bring himself to even delete it.

After the third day of skipping classes, Damien forced himself to go back. But he never went back to the makeup room during his break, opting to sit in the crowded Union.

But Virgil kept texting him. Damien felt guilty, since he knew he was only worsening Virgil's anxiety, but this was ultimately for the best.

When he was at home, all he could do was lie in bed. Jackson never seemed to care about Damien's sudden lethargy unless he wanted sex, in which Damien would just go ahead and let him take whatever he wanted.

"Damien!" someone called while Damien was walking down a campus sidewalk. His heart dropped as he started walking faster but someone grabbed his arm.

"Are you okay?" Virgil asked as he looked Damien up and down, his caring gaze making Damien want to scream.

"I'm fine."

"You look awful."

"Thanks," Damien huffed as he tried to pull away, but Virgil was stronger than he appeared.

"Where have you been?"

"Let go of me."

"Why haven't you been answering my texts?"

"Let. Me. Go."

"I won't let you know until I know that you're okay-"

"Jesus Christ, I don't want to see you anymore!" Damien snapped.

"Wh- what are you-"

" _I don't want to be friends anymore_."

Virgil's eyes were wide as he let go of Damien's arm. Damien huffed and straightened his jacket before walking away, deciding he was finished with classes for the day.

When he got home, he took some meds to make him fall asleep. He didn't want to think about the tears that had formed in Virgil's eyes. He didn't want to think about anything.

"What's this?" Jackson demanded. Damien groaned as he turned onto his side on the bed to face him.

"What's what?"

"Who's Virgil?"

Damien's eyes widened as he shot up. "He's nobody."

"Then why is he texting you?"

Damien quickly stood up and walked over. Jackson handed him his phone, but he grabbed Damien's other wrist to keep Damien to him.

> Virgil: If it's because of something I did then I am so so sorry. I wish you would talk to me so I could fix it because you're one of the best friends I've ever had. I miss seeing you and I'm really worried about you.

"You were seeing him?" Jackson asked.

"Not like that!" Damien cried as Jackson tightened his grip on Damien's wrist. "We just talked between classes sometimes - AH!"

Damien's wrist was twisted before he was shoved to the ground, but he was quickly lifted back up by his shirt collar.

"Really? Because this guy seems awfully clingy for some guy you just 'talk to'."

"J-Jackson, _please_ ," Damien choked out.

Panic shot through Damien's body as he was alerted, for the first time, that one of his soulmates was going to see through _him_.

"Jackson, one of my soulmates is going to see through-"

" _Good_ ," Jackson growled as Damien's soulmate 'arrived'. "I want to tell them directly that you belong to _me_."

Jackson dropped Damien, but before he could relish that freedom he felt a sharp sting across his face. He cried out as he grabbed his cheek, but he was then kicked onto his back, Jackson's foot on his chest to hold him there.

"I'm the only one who has ever cared for you. You should have been grateful to me but instead you _betrayed_ me."

"N-No, I-" Damien groaned as Jackson's foot pressed harder against his chest. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Damien was again lifted by the collar of his shirt, stumbling behind Jackson as he dragged him to the bathroom. Damien was thrown onto the tile floor and the door slammed shut.

"You're staying in there until I figure out what I want to do with you."

Damien heard Damien's footsteps walk away and the front door slammed shut. He stood up and went to the doorknob to see that the door had been blocked somehow. He frantically pushed and kicked and did everything he could but it _wouldn't open_.

Through his panic, he at least managed to remember that one of his soulmates was there. It must have been Patton or Logan, since he had met Roman or Virgil.

"I need out," he whispered. "I need _help_."

But apparantly the universe decided otherwise, as he was then alerted that his soulmate's time with him was ending soon.

"No, no, wait! Tell Virgil to come, _please._ I'm at 206 Sanders Street, Apartment 212," Damien pleaded.

And then he was alone.

Damien cried as he fell to his knees. Soon though, he felt tingling all down his arm.

' _I'll be there as fast as I can.'_ from Virgil in shaky writing.

_'It's okay, my darling. You'll be safe soon.'_ from Roman.

Patton resorted to just writing _'I love you_ ' over and over on the back of his hand while Logan tried to explain breathing exercises, saying that Damien was _'from what I saw, starting to hyperventilate_.'

Damien didn't have anything to write back. All that was in the bathroom was his makeup and-

Damien froze. He remembered five years ago when Roman had put lipstick on a kissed the back of his hand, sending them all what he called a "long distance kiss."

Logan speculated that the reason the lipstick showed up on their hands and the rest of Roman's makeup didn't was because the lipstick mark had been directed towards them, not only for Roman's use.

Damien shakily stood up and grabbed his makeup back, then immediately collapsed back onto the floor. Shaky hands dug around until he found his eyeliner and uncapped it to, for the first time, write to his soulmates.

_'The door's broken._ ' Damien wrote, omitting the fact that it broke because Jackson slammed it too many times. _'If it's locked, just push it hard enough and it'll open.'_

Patton drew hearts all around Damien's writing.

Damien pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees, not looking at the rest of the messages being sent to him.

After Damien had a chance to calm down, he realized what all he had done. In the span of just a few minutes, he had broken his silence to his soulmates, revealed his location, and now Virgil was on the way to see him.

Was this the right choice? Was he overreacting? Would he had been smarter to do nothing?

As the minutes passed, Damien regretted his actions more and more. He didn't want to see Virgil. He was sure he could appease Jackson when he got home, but he couldn't think of a way to persuade his soulmates to leave him alone _now_.

He grabbed a makeup wipe and removed what he had written. It would be harder to reassure Jackson if he saw he had actually written to them.

Damien heard the door fly open and winced. Whoever it was, he wasn't looking forward to seeing them.

He stumbled a bit as he stood up and planned what he was going to say. If it was Jackson, he would assure him that he was still his, and that his soulmates didn't matter. If it was Virgil, he would thank him for coming, but try to explain that he still didn't want to be with them. He wanted to stay.

The door opened and there was Virgil, wide-eyed and panting. Damien opened his mouth to speak when tears welled in Virgil's eyes.

"I had hoped my soulmate was you. _God_ , I wanted it to be you."

Damien broke and he fell into Virgil's arms. A sob escaped him as Virgil held him tight. It took a moment for Damien to register Virgil suggesting they get out of there.

They quickly packed up all of Damien's things. There wasn't much so they finished fairly quickly. Damien said nothing as Virgil reached for his hand and lead him out the door, Damien praying that they didn't run into Jackson in the hall.

They were quiet as Virgil drove. Damien eventually realized that Virgil was still holding his hand and snapped his hand back, ignoring the hurt in Virgil's eyes.

Virgil pulled into an apartment building parking lot and turned off the ignition.

"So... we don't have a spare room, but we have a couch bed we can pull out. Actually, Pat will probably give _you_ the bedroom and force the four of us on the couch-"

"I'm not permanently staying with you," Damien said, voice rough and quiet.

"...Oh...okay. Let's get inside and work this out."

The silence was heavy around them as Damien was led to the eleveator. On the second floor, four doors down and on the left, Virgil pulled out his keys and opened the door. Damien hesitated before following him inside, and as soon as he walked in there were arms around him.

"Oh my gosh, I was so worried!" someone cried as they tightened their grip on him.

Damien quickly grabbed the stranger's arms and pulled them off as he stepped away from them.

"S-sorry," the stranger stammered as he stepped back. Damien didn't recognize the face, so it must be Patton.

Damien looked over to see Logan and Roman staring at him with expressions Damien couldn't read.

He wanted to leave.

Virgil must have been able to tell Damien was about to bolt, because he quickly said "Let's sit in the living room."

The three others slowly turned their gazes away from Damien, and Damien hesitantly closed the door behind him and followed.

Damien sat on the loveseat by the window while the others sat on the couch. Damien watched as they easily fit into place beside each other. Virgil's arm around Logan's waist. Roman's arm around Patton's shoulder. Patton reaching to hold Virgil's hand. It all seemed so _natural_ for them. Damien knew he wouldn't fit.

"...Why did you never answer us?" Roman eventually asked.

"Roman!" Patton whispered.

"I didn't want soulmates. And I still don't." Damien said. "I appreciate your help, but I'll be leaving to live on my own soon."

"...Well," Patton started. "If it's only temporary, then we'll go ahead and give you the bedroom. To give you your privacy."

Roman opened his mouth to object, but quickly decided against it.

"I'll get dinner ready. Ro, Lo? Could you grab our essentials from the bedroom and change the bedsheets?"

Virgil went to get Damien's bags from his car. Damien just stayed on the chair and watched.

"We'll need in to grab clothes and things, but for the most part we'll be able to leave you alone" Patton said as Roman finished grabbing all their phone chargers. Damien muttered thanks as he slipped into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Instead of sitting on the bed or the two desk chairs, Damien sat right on the floor and pressed his ear to the door.

He listened to Roman's angry, confused whispers, which were met with Virgil's own. Patton whispered his own concerns as Logan tried to be the voice of reason.

Damien couldn't take it anymore and stood up. He looked through drawers, through the closet. He looked through both desks, one neatly organized with scientific journals and calculations while one was messily stacked with scripts and stories and playbills. Photos of the four of them were pinned to a bulletin board with captions written in their respective colors.

There were photos of Virgil playing in a band, of Patton in a paint studio, of Roman sitting at a piano, adn of Logan in a lab with goggles and test tubes. Through the photos, Damien learned that the members in Virgil's band were Roman's twin Remus and Virgil's cousin Remy. Patton had an older brother named Emile. There were tons of photos, but Damien found himself staring at the one taken on the night of their latest anniversary.

Damien's head snapped towards the door after someone knocked. Patton slowly opened it and placed a plate of food on Logan's desk. He then grabbed pajamas for the four of them.

"I got a toothbrush and a bath towel on the sink for you. Goodnight. I hope you sleep well," Patton said while giving him a gentle smile before leaving and closing the door.

Damien thought he wasn't hungry, but once he took a bite he realized that he was starving. And it was so good that he ate all of it. He couldn't remember the last time he ate so much.

He waited until he could no longer hear the four of them moving around before sneaking into the bathroom. It was late and he was exhausted so he opted to shower in the morning, so he just quickly brushed his teeth and hurried back to the bedroom.

He laid down and stared at the ceiling. Even without Jackson beside him, the bed still felt warmer than the one back home. He heard his phone buzz and he reached over for it. Jackson must've returned home, because Damien was getting a lot of angry drunk messages. Damien hesitated before blocking his number. He turned his phone off and turned onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow as he tried to go to sleep.

Damien woke up to his usual alarm. He panicked for a moment at the foreign bedroom before remembering where he was. He slowly got up and pressed his ear to the door. He heard movement along with gentle whispering. He waited for the whispers to fade away and for the front door to close before he goes to shower.

After he finished getting ready, he slid his backpack on and tread softly to not wake Roman who was still asleep on the couch bed, but he was stopped in his tracks when he saw Patton in the conjoined kitchen. Patton gave him a gentle smile and waved him over.

"The next class isn't for a while. Surely you have time for breakfast?"

Damien slowly put his backpack on the ground.

"Virgil and Logan have already left for their eight a.m. classes," Patton said as he put a plate of eggs and toast on the table for Damien.

Damien watched as Patton walks to the living room and around the couch bed to where Roman was sleeping.

"You need to get up, Ro," Patton said softly as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Roman's forehead. Roman murmured something as he pulled the blankets tighter around him.

"I know, sweetie," Patton cooed as he ran a hand through Roman's hair. "But you need to get ready for classes."

Roman then pulled Patton down on top of him and wrapped his arms tightly around him, pressing their lips together as Patton giggled. It was too sweet, too intimate, too _loving_ , that Damien had to look away. He was intruding on this perfect thing they've built together. He had to leave as soon as possible.

Roman eventually got up and stretched before heading to the bathroom, giving Damien a wave as he went (that Damien didn't respond to.) Damien quickly finished breakfast and stood to leave.

"Do you want a ride? Roman and I are driving to campus in a bit. If you can wait a little longer we can-"

"I'll just head out now."

"Well, at least let me give you my key to the apartment," Patton said before Damien could turn away. "And let me give you my number in case you need anything."

As Damien reached for his phone, he remembered something and his face went white.

"...Are you okay?" Patton asked.

"I... I'm going to take your offer, actually," Damien said. "He might be looking for me. He dropped out last year, but with his old ID he might..."

Damien trailed off, and after a couple moments Patton connected the dots.

"Oh. Oh! Yeah, of course, hon."

Patton gave Damien a reassuring smile that didn't do much to calm his growing nerves.

He said nothing on the way to campus, even when Roman and Patton tried to pull him into conversation. The only time he spoke was when he said "Yes." when Patton asked if he could tell Roman what's going on.

"Let me walk you to class," Roman said as he parked the car. As much as Damien _despised_ that idea, he hated the idea of running into Jackson alone even more.

"Fine," he said as he got out of the car. He started walking towards his class building, and Roman was quickly behind him.

Roman started an attempt at conversation. And while Damien tried to shut him down (he didn't feel like talking), it seemed that nothing would be able to get Roman to shut up. So he just let Roman ramble until they were outside his classroom, where he muttered his thanks to Roman before heading inside.

When Damien left class, Virgil was standing in the hallway.

"Roman told the groupchat what room you were in," Virgil explained. "And I was the closest to you."

"Um, thanks," Damien muttered.

Roman was back with im after his next class and led Damien to where they sat for lunch.

Having them around all the time was suffocating. It was overbearing. It was... sweet, really. It was reassuring. He was comforted by the promise that he wouldn't have to face Jackson alone. Logan already spoke with campus police, which also reassured Damien a bit. Still, by the time he was back at the apartment, he needed some time alone. He locked himself back in the bedroom, only speaking to thank Patton when he brought him dinner.

The next day was Saturday, so Damien let himself stay in bed until noon. He wanted to stay in bed longer, but his growling stomach protested.

"Hello," Damien," Logan said as he came to view of the living room. Logan was reading on the folded up sofa with Patton lying next to him with his head on Logan's lap. Patton quickly sat up upon seeing Damien, knocing the book out of Logan's hands.

"Hey, honey! I saved some breakfast for you that I can reheat. Or I can cook something else if you-"

"That's fine, Patton."

"Did you sleep alright?" Logan asked as Damien sat down on the loveseat. Damien nodded. "Roman and Virgil are grocery shopping. Should I text them to get you anything?"

"Some makeup remover."

"How much syrup do you want on your waffle?" Patton called from the kitchen.

"Just a little."

When Patton handed Damien the plate, he learned that he and Patton had very different ideas of what "little" means.

"So, Virgil told us you're a theatre major?" Patton asked as he sat on the couch next to Logan and snuggled into his side. Damien nodded.

"So do you act like Roman does?" Patton asked, eyes lighting up.

"Sometimes," Damien said, keeping his eyes on his waffle to avoid looking at him. "I'm usually backstage. I have a focus on theatrical makeup."

"Oh, that's so cool!" Patton smiled. "I'm assumin' you're the friend who showed Virgil how to do eyeliner. He was really excited about it."

Damien's heart clenched as he nodded.

As soon as Damien was finished eating, he got up to put his plate in the sink, ready to go back to the solitude of the bedroom.

"Wait," Logan said as Damien walked away. "Roman texted me asking what kind-"

Logan took Damien's wrist to stop him, and Damien gasped and quickly yanked his hand from Logan's hold.

"Damien?" Patton asked as he stood from the couch.

Damien's breathing was growing heavier as he held his hand to his chest and leaned against the wall.

"Damien, sweetie?" he heard Patton's gentle voice say.

"He would grab me. My wrists," Damien gasped out. "When he was angry."

Patton gently took Damien's forearm and led Damien to sit on the floor. He immediately brought his knees to his chest and hid his face.

"Damien, Logan said firmly yet gently. "Follow my breathing."

Damien looked up to see Logan and Patton kneeling in front of him, but not close enough to crowd him.

Logan started to run through a breathing exercise that Damien was sure he had seen Virgil once do.

He was momentarily distracted by the sound of the front door opening. Patton quickly stood as Logan moved closer to keep Damien's attention.

"I apologize, Damien," Logan said softly once Damien's breathing had become more stable. "I'll ensure it doesn't happen again. From any of us."

Logan stood and offered his hand, which Damien hesitantly took. Damien looked over to see Patton whispering to a concerned Roman and Virgil.

"How about we all watch a movie?" Patton asked. "I'll make some tea and grab the fluffy blankets."

Damien couldn't lie. That sounded really nice right now.

"Roman, show Damien all those musicals you have on DVD," Virgil said as he went with Patton to the kitchen. Roman's face lit up.

"You like musical theatre?" Roman asked. His smile grew wider when Damien nodded. Roman quickly turned and motion for Damien to follow to the large tub of DVDs next to the TV stand.

"I have the Sweeney Todd movie and the filmed staged production, same for Les Mis. I have Little Shop of Horrors, every Disney movie you could think of and- Oh! Let's watch Phantom of the Opera! It's one of my favorites."

"Only if Damien wants to," Patton called from the kitchen.

"The stage prodction? Not the movie?" Damien asked. Roman scoffed.

"Of course."

Damien returned to the loveseat, letting Roman ramble on about musicals since he was so excited to finally have someone to talk to about theatre.

Damien thanked Virgil when he handed him a cup of tea and a blanket before joining Roman, Logan, and Patton on the couch.

When Damien finished his tea, he placed the empty cup on the table beside him and pulled his legs onto the chair, tightening the blanket all around him as he relaxed back against the chair.

He started to feel himself doze off, and though he tried to fight it, with the warmth of the blankets and the hum of the movie playing and the comfy loveseat, he couldn't fight off his drowsiness. He glanced at the others, still all snuggled against each other.

Damien let his eyes close. His head growing foggy with dreariness, but he found he felt completely safe. He didn't think the others would let anything bad happen to him. Especially with Virgil around. So with that thought, Damien let himself fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And thanks for sticking with me this long!
> 
> (Chapter 5 (the final chapter!!) is scheduled to be posted tomorrow, Jan 11 2020)


	5. Chapter 5

Damien pushed an actor out of the makeup room and huffed as he closed the door. Finally, it was the last scene of the last performance. He allowed himself to lean against the door and take a breath. He was the one person in charge of makeup and the director decided to cast a musical with thirty actors. He was _exhausted_. But he knew he couldn't relax just yet.

He heard the final number begin to play and he went to pack up all this things before the actors rushed in. As soon as he packed his bag and hit it under the bench so no one would mess with it, the door swung open and the room was filled with actors, all buzzing with excitement.

"Damien, can you wash the gray out of my hair?" "Damien, I can't get my eyeliner off." "Damien, is there any makeup still on my face?" "Damien, do you have a hairbrush I could borrow?" "Damien, I need more makeup wipes."

"Brush it out with this first and then I'll come back to you to get the last of it out." "Here, use this instead. It's specifically for eye makeup." "There's a little under your jawline." "There's one on the end of the counter." "Here, I have plenty more."

When things finally relaxed, he found where Roman was sitting and collapsed on the bench next to him.

Damien was not particularly pleased with how much time he's had to spend lately with the eccentric Thespian. With dress rehearsals and performances the last week, Roman and him have had to see a lot of each other, which was the opposite of what Damien wanted. But the theatre came first, so Damien sucked it up and did his job.

"Thanks for all the help these last few nights," Roman said as he wiped makeup from his forehead. Damien grunted.

"Thanks for actually knowing what you're doing and not requiring my assistance every damn second."

Roman laughed.

"Seriously. I swear, you were the only person who paid attention at my base makeup demonstration. Everyone else was bothering me to help them."

"You're incredible."

Damien prayed that he wasn't blushing.

"...You still have makeup on your neck and side of your face," Damien noticed and he reached for another makeup wipe. He placed his other hand on Roman's face and started removing his makeup, which wasn't unusual. He helped plenty of other actors remove their makeup, especially the men who weren't used to wearing it. But then he noticed the sly way Roman was looking at him. Roman gently took Damien's hand that was holding his cheek and kissed his palm. Damien scowled at him and hit him in the face with the makeup wipe before finishing.

Roman waited for Damien to finish helping the other actors to get them to leave and helped him clean up the makeup room, and the two were finally able to leave. Once the two made it to the lobby, the other three rushed to them to congratulate them. When Damien was complimented on the special effects makeup he did, he brushed them off. He still didn't know how to respond to compliments.

"Damien, we usually go out after Roman's performances," Patton explained. "But if you really don't want to, we can just head back home."

Damien could tell Patton was just making the offer to be polite. He knew the four of them really wanted to go out. Damien _really_ didn't want to, but he knew he _should_ since they were letting him stay in their apartment, and he didn't want to become such a burden on them.

"I don't care."

And that's how Damien found himself at iHop, squished in a booth between a window and Roman. Apparently, iHop was a theatre kid tradition, since they saw plenty of other actors there.

Patton sat on the other side of Roman while Logan and Virgil sat across.

Damien spent most of the time just staring out the window, ignoring the conversation and the food Patton had ordered for him. That was until Roman said his name.

"Hm?" Damien hummed as he turned towards them.

"I asked how you got into theatre. Did your parents take you to a show when you were young? That's how I got into it."

Damien grimaced.

"Um... no. I just discovered some cast recordings in middle school and watched a lot of bootlegs."

"Oh. Well, what was your first show? Mine was The Sound of Music."

"I haven't had the chance to see a musical live outside of school performances."

Roman's eyes widened.

"Well, I can't allow that! I am always a seasonal ticket holder at the regional Orpheum, and starting today, you will always be my plus one. The Lion King is coming next week."

Damien's heart leaped. That sounded so _incredible_. But...

"That's a very nice offer, Roman," Damien said as he turned his attention back out the window. "But I'm afraid that won't be necessary. I'll be gone soon."

Roman's smile disappeared and he looked at the others, but they didn't know what to say.

"Come on, Dee. At least let him take you to The Lion King," Virgil said.

"But don't feel pressured to!" Patton quickly added.

"...We'll see."

That wasn't a definite no, so the they relaxed a bit as they continued their conversation.

But they didn't let Damien go again. They kept asking him questions to keep him engaged, and somehow, Damien found himself not hating it. He tried his best not to show it, though.

Once Patton _finally_ got Damien to laugh at one of his jokes, he gave Damien a soft smile that he hoped let him know that he belonged here. He fit with them, they _wanted_ him.

Damien glanced away from Patton as his throat tightened.

Damien tried to keep a balance of distancing himself while also not being terribly rude to his helpers, but he was failing miserable. Whether it was Roman sweeping him into a dance mirroring the one playing on the current Disney movie, or Logan reading to him to calm him down, or Patton dotting cookie dough on his nose when he helped in the kitchen, or Virgil lounging beside him and showing him just, just like they used to - whatever it was, Damien found himself entranced.

Besides, what's the harm of indulging himself a bit before they inevitably get sick of him?

Damien had just been watching a movie, when the next thing he knew there was a pillow fort being built around him by Roman and Patton. And now he was lying on the floor between the others.

His phone dinged, and when he checked it he saw it was a confirmation email from an apartment complex saying his background check was cleared and that he could come down and try to work out paperwork.

"Are you okay, dear?" Roman asked from his direct left.

"I'm leaving soon," Damien said as he put his phone back in his pocket.

They all froze, and Damien couldn't stand the tense silence that fell over them.

"Why, sweetie?" Patton asked, pain evident in his voice.

"It will be better that way."

He didn't expect them to understand yet, but once he's gone they'll realize how much better it is when they don't have to deal wit him.

Virgil placed a hand on Damien's right arm and Damien went to move his arm out of Virgil's grasp, but when he saw Virgil's hurt eyes gazing up at him, he let Virgil wrap an arm around his.

"I just got you back," Virgil whispered as tears welled in his eyes. He quickly ducked his head onto Damien's shoulder to hide his face. "You can't just leave again."

"Talk to us, Damien," Logan said as he sat up from his spot on the other side of Roman. "Tell us what we can do to help."

"There's nothing you _can_ do," Damien said, trying to ignore the wet spots forming on his shoulder.

"Please, what's troubling you, darling?" Roman asked.

"Nothing you can fix."

"Let us try."

"I can't let you do that."

"Damien, _please_ ," Patton cried. "Let us help you-"

" _Stop_." Damien snapped. "Just stop. If I stay, you're just going to get sick of me. You're going to find out how awful I am to have around, and I don't want to be here when you finally realize how unlovable I am."

Silence.

"Damien," Virgil said with a shaky breath. "You were an asshole when I first met you, and yet you still managed to make me fall in love with you..."

Damien's eyes widened.

"Who did this to you?" Roman whispered. "Who was so evil that they tricked you into believing such lies?"

"No one tricked me," Damien muttered. "It's just the truth no one has ever loved me before. Not even my own mother. Not until Jackson, at least. But you four are adamant he never really loved me."

"You don't hurt the people you love," Roman said defensively. "We can't let you think that's how love is supposed to be."

"Well, there you go," Damien snapped. "Everyone I've ever loved never loved me back."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sure someone-"

"No, Patton," Damien interrupted. "My mother literally tried to kill me. All my foster parents abandoned me. None of my classmates liked me, my teachers hated me, my counselors gave up on me. No one has _ever_ loved me."

"You're mother did what?" Patton whispered as he sat up, all four of them staring at him in horror. Virgil tightened his grip on Damien's arm.

Damien groaned as he ran his hands down his face.

"Look, it'll just hurt all of us if I stay. You'll understand in time."

"No, no, sweetie, wait," Patton said as tears welled in his eyes. "Please don't leave, we-"

"I love you," Virgil whispered into Damien's shoulder. "I don't expect you to say it back, but I want you to know I love you. Every part of you."

"A troubled past does not diminish one's self worth," Logan said.

"I know we haven't known you as long as Virgil has," Patton said through tears. "But we care about you so so _so_ much."

"Damien beloved, darling, dearest," Roman said gently as he raised a hand to cup Damien's cheek. "More than anything, we want you to be happy. But know that we _want_ you here, with us, in our relationship and our lives. We know it won't always be easy, but we want to work it out with you. For you, dear, anything."

"...No," Damien whispered as he gently moved Virgil off of him. "No, no, no. This can't happen."

"Damien, what-"

"I didn't know how much I had fooled you already," Damien interrupted Virgil as he sat up. "I can't let myself deceive you into thinking I'm good for you."

"No, Damien, wait!" Virgil cried as Damien stood up. Virgil reached for his wrist but caught himself, and Damien locked himself in the bedroom.

Damien didn't let himself see the others at all over the next few days. He responded to the email to set up an appointment time. Everything would be resolved soon.

As Damien quickly walked out of the campus building, he checked his phone for the time. If he hurried, he could get back to the apartment before the others do.

He cut through a student parking lot when he heard a familiar voice.

"Damien!"

Damien didn't even look behind him before he started running, but it wasn't long until there was a hand around his wrist and he was being pinned against a van.

"Where have you been, Damien?" Jackson asked. "I've missed you."

His grip grew tighter.

"You have to come home, Damien. I-"

Damien kneed Jackson's stomach, used that brief moment that Jackson let go of him to try to run, but Jackson quickly grabbed Damien's wrist again and slammed Damien back against the van, slapping his face before grabbing Damien's hair.

"You're really trying to run away from me again Damien? You really want to get in trouble, huh?"

Damien felt tingling on his arm.

"What's going on here?"

Damien looked over to see Patton and his face paled as fear shot through him. He couldn't let Patton get hurt. Oh, _god_ , Patton was going to get hurt and it was all his fault-

"Who are you?"

"A friend. Now I'm going to have to ask you to let go of him."

"Look, you really need to mind your own business and leave before I-"

"Patton!" someone yelled. They heard heavy footsteps running towards them before Roman came into view. "I saw your message," he said, holding up his right arm.

It was very unnerving to see the usually very happy and excited Roman now look very intimidating and very, _very_ angry.

"Let go of Damien. _Now_."

"So these are your soulmates?" Jackson laughed as he pressed his arm against Damien's throat. "What happened to not wanting anything to do with them?"

"I said _let. Him. Go._ " Roman said as he walked towards Jackson. Jackson threw Damien behind him and Damien hissed in pain as his hands made contact with the concrete. In his peripheral, he saw Patton duck behind a car. Jackson shoved Roman away from him, but Damien's view of the fighting was soon blocked by Patton kneeling in front of him.

"You're okay. It's okay," Patton assured him. "Deep breaths. There you go. You're doing great."

Patton gently but quickly got Damien to stand up to lead lead him away.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jackson called out. Damien whirled around and quickly blocked the punch that was heading towards Patton's face. Patton yelled out as he caught Damien who staggered back. Roman quickly kicked the back of Jackson's knees and pinned his arms back once he fell.

And that's when Logan and Virgil ran over with campus police.

Damien collapsed onto the couch once they got home. Explaining what happened to the officers took longer than he liked. Of course Jackson tried to defend himself, but once they checked the parking lot cameras, he didn't have much of a case. Roman's attack on Jackson was ruled as self defense, and Jackson would be charged accordingly. It was then agreed that Damien would get a restraining order.

Virgil came to sit beside him as the others whispered in the kitchen.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Virgil said. "...I'm so sorry."

"What for?"

"That you had to deal with that monster for so long."

Damien didn't say anything. But when Virgil opened his arms, Damien hesitated only for a second before falling into them.

"They put themselves in harms way for me," Damien whispered as he looked at Roman and Patton. Roman was being dote on by Patton over his acquired scrapes and bruises, and Damien was sure that Patton would do the same to him, too.

"Of course they did," Virgil said softly. "...Are you still thinking of leaving?"

Damien sat up from Virgil's arms, and worry flashed over Virgil's face.

"Because you know we won't stop you from leaving, but we're worried that you don't realize how much we care about-"

"No," Damien whispered.

"Huh?"

"I'm not leaving. I don't think I could even if I wanted to."

A large grin grew on Virgil's face and he opened his mouth to say something but paused when Damien placed a hand on his cheek.

The two gazed at each other for a moment, and then Damien kissed Virgil.

Kissing Virgil was so much softer than Damien ever imagined kissing someone _could_ be. Virgil's arms wrapped securely around Damien's waist, and Damien felt _safe_.

They parted and gazed at each other, but only for a moment before they both leaned forward to reconnect their lips. Virgil made Damien feel cared for, adored, _loved_. Tears fell down Damien's cheeks as he placed his other hand on Virgil's other cheek and pulled Virgil closer, desperate for as much contact he could get. He couldn't think of a time before when he was handled so lovingly.

The next time they parted, Virgil gingerly wiped the tears from Damien's cheeks.

"I love you," Damien whispered. Virgil's eyes widened but a soft smile graced his face. 

"I love you, too."

He leaned in for one more gentle kiss that made Damien's cheeks grow even more red.

When they separated for the last time, Virgil looked behind them and smirked to see a beaming Patton and a blushing Logan and Roman.

"Come here," Damien pleaded, and they quickly came and joined them on the couch, Roman sitting on his right side with Logan by Virgil and Patton by Roman.

Damien pressed a kiss on Roman's jaw where a bruise was forming.

"Thank you," Damien whispered. "All of you."

"Of course, my angel," Roman murmured as he kissed the top of Damien's head.

"Does this mean you're staying?" Patton asked, trying and failing to hide the hope in his voice.

"Yes," Damien said as he curled into Virgil's side. "If you'll have me. You all make me want to try."

"Of course, sweetie," Patton cooed as he reached over Roman for Damien's hand.

Damien soon moved onto the couch, insistent that he's been hogging the bedroom for _far_ too long. But it wouldn't be that much longer before he moved into the bedroom with them.

First kisses would soon be shared between Damien and Patton, then Roman, then Logan, and later then the first "I love you"s. But it wasn't always easy. On the road to recovery, Damien sometimes found himself take a few steps back. He'd get angry and lash out, or say something he'd regret. Sometimes the others argued back, and sometimes they'd accidentally make Damien flinch. But they always ensured that things ended okay. None of them liked to fight, and any disagreements would quickly bubble down and end with what Patton called the "cuddle puddle."

Damien was happy, he was safe, and he was _loved_ \- things he used to never imagine for himself. And for the first time, he was certain he was where he needed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [END]
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone for hanging with me through this! And thank you all so much for the nice comments, they mean so much to me <3  
> Pop on over to my Tumblr @imlovethomassanders and shoot me a request or just come ramble about Sanders Sides with me  
> I hope you all enjoyed this!

**Author's Note:**

> That was chapter 1! Thanks so much for reading! Pop into my Tumblr askbox @imlovethomassanders to request something or to just talk sanders sides.
> 
> (Chapter 2 should be posted tomorrow, Jan 8 2020)


End file.
